see, basically i am more than upset and i can’t even begin to sort all of this out right now so i am just letting it sit because I know I will lose my mind when we start to work this out and I need a break first.
Mike read my journal.
He read an entry that he knew I wouldn’t want him to read.
He read it a few days ago and admitted it to me yesterday..how hurt he is…how much he’s been wanting to chew me out, bite my head off..whatever..ever since. I didn’t say anything really last night when he told me. I just can’t even mentally handle this…because I am the one with the problems.
In the journal:
I was angry and trying to get all of my thoughts on paper even if they weren’t logical or right.
I said over and over again that “Mike isn’t a man. Mike is weak” I listed reasons why with F words everywhere.
I wrote “CUT” over and over again…and circled the words…(because it’s better to be writing it than to be doing it)
I wrote that I should die. That someone should kill me.
I wrote over and over again “my expectations are different than reality and that’s okay” (in regards to Mike)
AND HE READ IT. The last thing I would ever….I can’t even…
Like, I am just being very calm and quiet and not thinking too much but this is too much.
He has been playing video games with his brothers all day today and I haven’t talked to him at all. I’ve been..not with him.
I don’t know what to do.